A Butterfly-Effect Journey to My Dearest Treasure
How Did I Get Here?
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The theory
It was 2014, and I was living in Australia. I had just moved into a new shared house where I met my new Kiwi roommate. We clicked almost immediately. In retrospect it was easy. We were both day-dreaming INFJs. And INFJs tend to click fast.
During one of our late evening conversations, he said something that I’ve used as a mantra ever since: “Silvia, everybody will tell you that you can do anything. But they will fail to mention that you can’t do everything. You have to choose. And saying yes to something will always mean saying no to something else. Be ok with that.”
That’s one of the wisest messages anyone has ever sent my way.
When I said yes to moving to another country for graduate school, I said no to spending more time with my loved ones. I also said no to the romantic relationship I had.
And when I said yes to having children, I also said no to weekly climbing adventures with my husband, and late nights on the dance floor. I couldn’t have everything.
I chose something, and my life unfolded. And sometimes, I didn’t get to make the choice; the circumstances chose for me. All I had to choose was deciding how to handle the outcomes.
The outcome
Have you ever wondered about the specific circumstances that brought you to your present time? What are the choices and events that have shaped your present life as you know it?
I like playing a reverse butterfly effect game… How did I get here?
For example, I have two children that I adore. But they are the product of my choices. Had I made something slightly different, they wouldn’t exist. My dear T and L wouldn’t exist.
My husband and I got married after dating for only one year because that was the only way we could be together in the same country. My children wouldn’t exist if we didn’t take that leap of faith.
I wouldn’t have met my husband if my friends hadn’t canceled our Memorial weekend plan. I wouldn’t have joined a trip with the local Climbing Club nor contacted my husband-to-be through a spreadsheet. My children exist because of a spreadsheet.
I wouldn’t have been in the DMV area if I wasn’t offered the postdoc that I took. I was offered that postdoc because I did a pre-doctoral fellowship. I applied to a pre-doctoral postdoc because someone suggested it after I accepted an invitation to a journal-reading club. I was invited because I took a detour after a conference. A detour I wouldn’t have taken if I hadn’t broken up with my then boyfriend.
If I keep going back in time, I can trace that my children exist because, 10 years earlier, I was fed up with the options that life was giving me. I got out of my comfort zone, knocked on the “International Exchange Office” at my faculty, and enquired about doing a semester working in a lab abroad.
Things have gone the other way multiple times. I have been disappointed way too many times. But every time a door closed, a better door opened up. Or I just went looking where the other doors were after a good cry, instead of staying there, feeling sorry for myself.
When life gave me lemons, I hosted a Margarita Party, and now I get to wake up every day to the sweet smile of my children, their hugs, and unlimited snuggles.
What about you? Can you trace the chain of events that brought you to your present moment?
Can you be thankful for the choices that brought you to your good, acknowledge your bads, and accept your uglies?
Remember, we can do anything, but not everything.
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